I miss you
It has been 1 year since you left me. One year since my life turned dark. One year since you last took a breath. One year since I have heard that wonderful giggle. One year once I saw that amazing smile. One year since that terrible day that you made the terrible mistake to trust someone and take what you thought was a Xanax, that ended your beautiful life, and I feel like mine. You were my love. My heart. My soul. My girl. You still are.
No amount of time will end my tears or stop my pain or help my heart. I still have a difficult time understanding this, accepting this, knowing you are not here. There is not a day that passes that I don't dissolve into tears, my entire being shakes, aches, hurts just to see you, hear you, tough you. To grasp that I will never, ever, see you, tough you again is more than my mind can comprehend. None of this makes sense. This hell doesn't make sense. This life without you doesn't make sense. This should not be. Why? Why you? Why us? Too many why's. All I can think about is being with you, seeing you, hearing you. This pain, this life, is too difficult to manage carrying around this kind of pain. Pain that can't be described, or understood, unless you are also the parent of an Angel. If you are, only you can understand. And I am sorry.
February 26, 2022 began the worst season of my life, and it continues. February 27, 2022 sealed that nightmare when you took your last breath. You were the beautiful baby, toddler, daughter, that I always hope for. I was completely smitten with you from the second I saw you, and that never changed. Nothing you could have done could have ever changed my love and adoration for you. You, Kelsie, were my all. You are still my all. To be without you is truly hell, every day. I miss you so very much, in ways that can't be explained. Our closeness, our secret jokes, what was to come, growing old and you taking care of me, it's gone, who will put my lipstick on for me when I can't? That was your job. I hope to see you sooner than later my beautiful girl. I know you are safe, happy, no more pain in your head, no more depression or anxiety, you are whole and perfect. I just wish you were here with me. I love you to the moon and back my love. Mom